I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
