i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
