Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
