It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
