pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
