Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
