I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
