i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize