Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
