so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
