The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize