I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just pee around me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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