So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
