So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
