Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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