The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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