i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
