Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
