Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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