She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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