do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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