Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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