it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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