I am in a vortex of obligation.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize