my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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