I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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