I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
