We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
