Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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