i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
