your room smells of hookers.
And success
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
