Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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