DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
