I wish I could punch you in the face.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
