Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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