He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize