he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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