so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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