Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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