I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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