Cold hands, warm shart.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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