My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I want her autograph on my taint
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
