Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i've created a new STD.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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