do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
