A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
