I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
