i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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