i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
