Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
