HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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