There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
