I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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