if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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