I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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