I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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