I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
