Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
