I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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