On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
