You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
