I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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