Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
