Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
