he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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