she woke up with a sticky ear
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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