We're like a lot better than the average bears
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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