Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
