i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
