I just googled if crying burns calories
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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