wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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