the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
