I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
