Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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