I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
