he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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