Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
